Advice You Didn't Ask For: Parenting Gets Easier

It's Wednesday, so that means it's time for: Advice You Didn't Ask For.  Each week, I pick of advice I've been given at some point in my life, that I didn't ask for, and I share how that advice worked out for me.

The backstory

I got pregnant with my first child when I was 17.  I turned 18 just two months before my daughter, Payton, was born.  I was scared, unsure, and didn't really know what to expect.  I am the oldest of 6 kids, so it's not like I hadn't been around babies, but having one of my own was a whole new ballgame.  The advice I received A LOT while pregnant with my oldest was that infancy was the hardest part of motherhood, but it didn't last long.  I recall several women telling me, it was going to be tough at first but it would quickly get easier.  

If having a baby at 18 wasn't tough enough, I gave birth to my son, Brayden, just 11 months after my daughter was born.  I thought I was scared being pregnant at 17, but that was nothing compared to the fear I had of having two babies just 11 months apart from each other.  Throughout my second pregnancy, I was reassured that my second child would be a lot easier than the first, because I already knew what to expect. 

I got a little break before I had my last child.  My youngest, Jada, was born 6 years and 8 months after my second child.  The whole time I was pregnant with her, I knew that I wasn't worried or scared at all.  I had taken the "kids get easier" advice to heart.  Everyone told me that I'd been there, done that with my first two kids, so I had nothing to worry about.  There was nothing this kid was going to do that I hadn't already been through.  

Piece of Advice #1:  Kids get easier with age

Payton is now 18.  She's graduated from high school and ready for adulthood.  My response to the "kids get easier with age" spill is:  NO IT DOESN'T!!  I remember, when she was an infant, waking up in the middle of the night to feed her or change her.  Even though I was somewhat sleep deprived, I will NEVER forget the moments of holding her in the complete stillness of the night, smelling her wonderful baby smell, and wishing that she would stay that small forever.  Guess what?  She didn't stay that small forever.  She got bigger, really quickly actually, and THAT'S when the real fun began.

Eventually, kids start to talk, they start to walk, they start to throw temper tantrums, they start to get into things they're not supposed to get into, they start talking back, they start thinking they know everything, and then they become teenagers.  Oh, Lord, help me!  Here's some advice for you:  Cherish those times you get up in the middle of the night with your infant.  That's the time when parenting is the easiest it's ever going to be!  

Piece of Advice #2:  Parenting is easier once you have another child

When Brayden was born, my daughter was still a baby.  She still wore diapers, she still drank from a bottle, and she could barely walk a few steps.  Thank the Lord God Almighty that she slept through the night!  Having two children, both under the age of 1, is probably very similar to having twins.  Twice the feedings, twice the diaper changes, twice the car seats to lug around, and twice the supplies needed in the diaper bag.  How I made it through the baby years with my two oldest children, I don't know.  Even though I knew how to change diapers, feed, bathe, and take care of my son doesn't mean it was any easier.  The only difference was I now had DOUBLE the work.

Once they were a little bigger, things should have gotten easier, right?  WRONG-O!!  Between the ages of about 3 and 14, my kids fought.  Non-stop.  For 11 years straight.  Looking back, I really wished I had recorded myself yelling, "Stop fighting!", "Leave your sister's toys alone!", "Get out of your brother's bedroom!", and "Why can't you both play TOGETHER?"  Had I recorded those sayings, I would have saved myself a LOT of breath.  I could have just played the recordings on a continuous loop, and it would have fit perfectly to how often I had to say them.  It wasn't until they reached their older teen years that they finally started to be civil to one another.  And now?  They're best friends.  Now that they're old enough to move out, graduate from high school, and no longer require my taking care of their every need, they FINALLY get along.  Go figure.

Piece of Advice #3:   Third time's a charm

Now, here's where the story takes a little turn.  When Jada was born, it really was a lot easier.  Payton and Brayden  were a little more self-sufficient, and they actually helped me out quite a bit with their baby sister.  She was a hoot.  When she started talking and walking, she kept us constantly entertained.  Payton and Brayden were very patient with her, they shared their toys, and didn't get too bent out of shape if she invaded their personal space.  Life was pretty good.

Since Jada started school, she's a lot quieter, shyer, and less social than my oldest two children were/are.  She doesn't make friends as easy as Payton and Brayden did, she is more self-conscience about herself, and she is much more comfortable by herself than in a group of people.  Not something I've "been there, done that" with.  Payton and Brayden have always been social butterflies, so Jada being more of a loner is something VERY new to me.  Jada is also EXTREMELY sensitive.  While I could yell and scream at Payton and Brayden, and they wouldn't even blink an eye, Jada doesn't respond the same.  If I raise my voice at Jada, she gets extremely upset.  Do you know how hard it is to discipline a child, who can often have a serious attitude problem, when she responds like I've completely broken her heart?  Yeah.  Not fun!  Definitely NOT easier.

Conclusion

At the end of the day, I absolutely ADORE my children, and wouldn't have changed every single second for anything.  It's been tough at times, I've wanted to pull my hair out, and I've cried uncontrollably thinking I'm a horrible mother and just won't ever "get it".  Then I realized, THAT'S parenting.  No matter how many people tell you that it gets easier, it really doesn't.  Sure, there are some women that seem to be complete naturals at the motherhood thing.  I have no problem admitting I wasn't one of them.  All that matters is you love, learn, and go with the flow.  All of my kids have turned out just fine, and I'm so proud of all of them.  Life hasn't always been easy for them, but I did everything I could for them, and I am so proud and happy that I got to be their mom.  No kids are going to be exactly alike, and that's totally fine.  Roll with the punches, and tell yourself over and over "I got this!" 

That's the advice you didn't ask for, you're welcome!! Please leave me a comment.  Did you receive the same advice?  How did it work out for you?  I'd LOVE to hear from you!!  

'Til next time!